HIV TEST: IF I TEST POSITIVE…

Thank God it was a dream. I wiped sweat off my forehead; my heartbeat had increased to twice its normal rate; I was very afraid. I had dreamt that my neighbor tested for HIV and she was positive. I saw myself consoling her and asking her to go to another testing center to confirm the result. I was really sweating when I woke up, my pillow was soaked. Well, I know the dream came as a result of my subconscious activities. I had meditated and thought and pondered on HIV till I dreamt of it. Mind you, that was the second dream I had about HIV.

Since my eyes were open, it was time for my morning devotion. I muttered words to God in my morning prayer, but the fear of the dream and the fear of HIV was still there. I decided to jump off my bed to talk loudly and audibly to God, such that my cries will not only drive the fear but beg for some grace from God. I walked to and fro, and shouted at fear, praying and telling God I didn’t want to test for HIV out of fear, but out of the understanding that I should know what my status is.

Before that judgmental part of you comes out, unprotected sex is not the only way to contract HIV, other ways could include sharing of sharp needles (which a lot of ladies do at the hair salons),  among others. My mind did well to remind me of times when my hair stylist pricked my scalp with needles (though they were majorly mine) and times when I had minor cuts from cooking knives that were not mine. My risk factors were few, but trust me, they could have been more than this  (I know what I speakest :)).

After the high-toned, fear-binding, tongue-strolling prayer, I waited to hear God; I was thinking He’ll tell me to forget about HIV jare and face other spiritual and academic things, but instead the thought came to me: ‘Simi, why don’t you go for your HIV test?’. Immediately, I remembered the saying that: ‘One way to combat fear is by doing that exact thing you are afraid of’.

*Whew*- The characteristic big sigh that precedes every major decision.

Was I ready to face this fear?

(Part 2 in a bit! *winks*)

FOOTPRINTS- Margaret Fishback Powers

There are times when things go hard; times when things get tough; times when giving up looks like the best option. I came across this poem at a 'tough time' and it was just what I needed at that time. I hope you draw some strength from it.

One night I dreamed a dream.

I was walking along the beach with my Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene, I notice two sets of footprints in the sand,

One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me

I looked back at the footprints in the sand

And to my surprise,

I noticed that many times along the path of my life

There was only one set of footprints.

I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life.

This always bothered me

And I questioned the Lord

about my dilemma

‘Lord, you told me when I decided to follow You,

You would walk and talk with me all the way.

But I’m aware that during the most troublesome

Times of my life there is only one set of footprints.

I just don’t understand why, when I needed you most, You leave me.’

He whispered, ‘My precious child,

I love you and will never leave you

Never, ever, during your trials and testings.

When you saw only one set of footprints

It was then that I carried you.’

God is always there -in the good times, the bad times and the ugly times. He doesn’t leave when things get tough, He stays and carries us right in His arms. Oh! What a caring Father!