THE WOMAN AND THE CULTURE

‘Ssshhhhhhhhhh……….keep quiet! Don’t you know women are better heard when silent?’ says Culture in lots of African countries.

I was on my way from the community market in Ile-Ife, Osun State on Tuesday. I entered a public bus and mid-way back home, we got to a bad part of the road where we were delayed because the car in front of us which was obviously driven by a woman had to navigate through the road. Suddenly, the driver bloated out- ‘Obinrin ni jare, ko perfect! (meaning she’s a woman, she’s not perfect!). Well, trust me; I had a 5 minute discussion with the man on the difference between GENDER and COMPETENCE.

Culture has been defined as the totality of the way of life of a group of people. Culture influences almost everything. This includes our values, our belief system, the way we see things, our language, our dressing etc etc. The truth is this, for so long, culture has taught us that women are not perfect like the bus driver thinks and that women can rarely pull great stunts; that women should be silenced, that women should stay away from family meetings and have no input into decision making. You see this in instances where the girl-child stays at home to learn how to ‘keep the kitchen’ while the male-child goes to school. You see this when a family elders meeting is called and you wonder if female elders don’t exist in the clan. You see this when a woman is blamed by her husband’s family for giving birth to female children only (For God’s sake, the man repeatedly donated the X-Chromosome- if you ever have to blame, which is totally uncalled for anyways, face him instead!)

What I think….

Things have to change. The culture that promotes female subjugation is a blindfold: It prevents us from seeing far and seeing well. Such culture limits and imprisons, we should break out of that.

I define Change as a journey that starts when the problem is defined and ends when the solution is provided. Change is when you see that woman who sits near you as human and you listen to her input. Change is when the women sit up at the family meetings and lend their voice. Change is when we choose to challenge conventional wisdom and give way for the woman.

Remember! Culture is made for the people, not people for the culture-Chimamanda Adichie.

Be that change, free that woman and see her fly.

Cheers to the weekend!

Mosimiloluwa.

LEAN IN…..as Sheryl Sandberg puts it

Moyin came into the room and asked,‘Simi, where are the women?!’

She uttered the exact thoughts I had been battling with a few minutes before she came in. I was wondering why we had very, very few women sitting up at the tables, why there were lesser skirts in the boardrooms and why the legislative arm of government had just a handful of women who stand up to decision making processes that affect their sons and daughters and loved ones.

On my desktop wallpaper, there’s this treasured picture I have showing the 5 presidents of the countries that make up BRICS- Brazil, Russia, India, China and South Africa. The only woman in the picture is the president of Brazil… seeing her made me proud, you know, at least, there was a woman in the picture, but I still silently wondered and asked  myself,’Similolu, where are the women?’

Just as I was ruminating on these thoughts, I was invited to be the compere at NACOSS (Nigerian Association of Computer Science Students) National Convention. The convention was centered on increased female participation in IT. All the presentations were laced with facts that proved that things were way more terrible than I thought - the number of females involved in IT is very low… In Africa, it is ‘lowerly’ lower than I could have conceived in my wildest imaginations. Still boils down to the same question; Where are the women?

Adepeju Jaiyeoba, a phenomenal Nigerian lawyer, entrepreneur and CEO of Brown Button Foundation finally made a statement that was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me after a long week of mind-battle. She said there was a program organized for the Nigerian youth by a United States Initiative, YALI, and out of 100 applicants, only 9 were females....Can you imagine?????

The question is this, where are the women?

Am I supposed to be somewhere at the back, far at the back because I am a woman?

Am I supposed to live an average life because I’m a woman?

Do life pursuits and aspirations end when a woman gets married?

Is Being Female= Being Passive?

Why should I be quiet when decisions that affect me and my future children are being made?

Why?

************

(This is first in a series of about 4 posts. Let’s reason together. I’ll give replies to all comments and I’m promising objectivity-NO skewedness to the left or right to support any gender)